waiting and wanting kids

Confused and Not Sure

2013-10-21T21:18:25+00:00 October 21st, 2013|adoption, waiting and wanting kids|

Is there anything weirder than everything going right? It's disorienting. I'm a little bit lost. Sure, I've got to wrestle health insurance for the kids. Adoption means they transfer departments, get new names, are "uninsured" as their old selves and put into a new program. It's kind of a hassle. Also we've got to sort [...]

It’s All So Interesting

2017-05-18T14:47:09+00:00 July 24th, 2013|daily life, parenting, waiting and wanting kids|

I stayed up late finishing Meg Wolitzer's The Interestings tonight, captivated by her lovely prose and the widescreen view she offers of a group of friends who meet as teenagers and stay involved through middle age. It's such a gift, the ability to be so specific and detailed that there's a simultaneous feeling she's speaking [...]

And Another Delay

2017-05-18T14:47:32+00:00 March 19th, 2013|adoption, waiting and wanting kids|

Our five-year-old has a reliable reaction to any surprise in her routine.Something causes us to reverse activity 1 and activity 2. The place is closed. They're out of her favorite X, Y, or Z. She is not pleased. Sometimes she puts on a grim face and powers through it. Sometimes there's wailing. But it's never [...]


2013-01-10T21:51:19+00:00 January 10th, 2013|adoption, waiting and wanting kids|

In what seemed like the endless time between being approved as foster dads and getting matched with our kids, I yearned so much for the wait to be over. I thought, as I always do, that this "next thing" would be the beginning of a new life. Of course it was. It's hard to clearly [...]

The Good News Keeps Coming

2017-05-18T14:49:22+00:00 April 27th, 2012|adoption, waiting and wanting kids|

The placement date was set, about 3 weeks away, and we are set to do our first overnight tonight. Hooray! Oh wait, the placement date needs to be moved up two weeks. They're moving in next weekend, unless they're not. And we're going to be their forever family. Unless something weird happens in the legal [...]

Loving Someone We’ve Not Yet Met

2017-05-18T14:49:40+00:00 March 8th, 2012|adoption, waiting and wanting kids|

It feels like Spring, and I'm thinking about love. One thing I like about yoga is that there's lots of talk about the human condition. It's a little philosophy chat during your workout. Years ago a yoga teacher said "if you didn't get your chin to your legs, it's no big deal. If you did [...]

A Happy Retraction

2017-05-18T14:49:46+00:00 February 23rd, 2012|adoption, waiting and wanting kids|

We have a tradition in my family. As nerdy, techy, competent guys, the men in my family like like to be right. Often this is useful, because we do tend to know a lot about how electricity, plumbing, and basic mechanics work. But I've been known to be sure about things that might be a tiny [...]

Our TV Friends Are Waiting Too

2012-02-24T17:53:21+00:00 February 16th, 2012|parenting, waiting and wanting kids|

OK, guilty. I was checking out Smash this week (will the sensitive brunette or the bombshell blonde be picked to play Marilyn?). There were Debra Messing and Brian d'Arcy James, struggling with the long, long wait they've been facing in their adoption. Should he go back to work, should they wait longer for the baby? Then on [...]

Giving Meaning to Our Wait

2017-05-18T14:49:47+00:00 February 8th, 2012|parenting, waiting and wanting kids|

On the recommendation of a friend I'm reading a fascinating new book, Timothy Wilson's Redirect: The Surprising New Science of Psychological Change. I also recently saw Our Idiot Brother, and the two have me thinking. The brainy one first: Redirect talks about the power of the interpretations we give events. A simple example: someone who [...]

Being a C Student

2012-02-24T17:54:05+00:00 February 4th, 2012|daily life, parenting, waiting and wanting kids|

My twice-yearly dental cleanings are an interesting opportunity to feel like a completely mediocre achiever. I don't think I'm incredibly lazy, or unable to follow directions. OK, I probably don't brush for the full two minutes each time, but I floss twice a day (always!), and I try the different techniques that have been offered--circular! [...]

Bunk to the Future

2012-02-24T17:47:17+00:00 January 31st, 2012|daily life, waiting and wanting kids|

We took a few down days, to process the adoption that didn't happen, but then somehow swung back into action. Friends had offered to swap the adult bed we had in the kids-to-be room for these great bunk beds, but Jay felt we might be tempting fate by moving on the furniture before we were [...]

The Rejection: We Were So Close!

2017-05-18T14:49:52+00:00 January 25th, 2012|adoption, gay dads, waiting and wanting kids|

Unfortunately this week a placement we hoped (and had been told) was very likely to happen fell through, for unknown reasons. Hopefully it was because of something positive for the kids like a better placement. Weirdly, we will never know. Sadly, instead of having great news which I've been going crazy hiding under my hat, we've [...]

While I Was Waiting

2012-01-22T17:17:19+00:00 January 22nd, 2012|waiting and wanting kids|

As possible placements are floated, and either are or seem more likely, I find myself kicking into high gear. But with nothing to do. Parents expecting babies can put together the crib or pick out stuff, but there's little useful concrete action we can take until we know more. Whenever I can, I follow the [...]