parenting

Cub Scouts and Knausgaard

2017-10-03T20:54:12+00:00 October 3rd, 2017|daily life, parenting|

Really all I need is a simple way back to now. And I need it again, and again, and again. When I escape the trap of my worries, the real world seems so solid and beautiful. I find myself Assistant Scout Master for my son's pack, or pride or den, whatever it's called. First grade is [...]

Labor, and Rest

2017-09-04T22:12:19+00:00 September 4th, 2017|parenting|

As an anxious person, I spend a lot of time trying to calm myself (and others) down. As a loving person I long to be in synch with and connected to people. I watch with envy those who seem calm and at ease with themselves, and strive to make myself that way too, but I'm [...]

My Children Far, and Near

2017-07-01T08:35:18+00:00 July 1st, 2017|adoption, parenting|

We're just back from a week at family camp. It was our eighth year, and there's much to love. For one, the corny entertainments. There are singalongs and sketches and silliness that benefit from being performed in such an improbable spot, tucked into the trees in the Sierra Mountain wilderness. There's barely electricity, but these [...]

Travel Madness

2017-05-18T14:44:12+00:00 October 12th, 2016|parenting|

We're just back from a whirlwind 4-day trip to Boston, and I know I should be celebrating keeping the kids alive through airplanes, subways, Ubers, and staying with friends. We had fun, we all came back, we didn't get kicked out of anywhere. That should be a win, right? But it's been hard to stop focusing on [...]

Quitting

2016-09-27T19:00:37+00:00 September 27th, 2016|daily life, gay dads, parenting|

Two recent endings have me feeling a bit deflated, though it's been tough to figure out exactly why. First, I'm giving up standing at work, or at least most of the time. I'd had great hopes for the benefits (health! vigor!), but after more than a year trying it, I think it's mostly substituted back stuff [...]

Summer Storms and Switching Places

2016-08-06T21:56:29+00:00 August 6th, 2016|adoption, parenting|

I should know not to tempt fate. Maybe a year ago I started feeling cocky, like we'd gotten this parenting thing down. Nobody knows what they're doing, of course, but I felt we're going to survive it—the adults, the kids, our marriage. I felt that everyone will emerge, more or less, unscathed. And of course we [...]

Coming Out

2017-05-18T14:44:22+00:00 July 6th, 2016|parenting|

It was time to start telling people. Probably past time. There's a dull pounding in my ears. I take a breath, and steady myself. As nonchalantly as possible, I say "Yeah, Jaden's in kindergarten in the fall..." Pause. "...Again." It's strange how vividly every time I ever told someone I'm gay flashes before my eyes when I've [...]

My Bad

2016-05-17T14:14:19+00:00 May 17th, 2016|parenting|

One of the perks of writing — and I guess parenting — is that I get to be right so much of the time, or imagine that I am. School dropoff is time for the adults to share war stories, and these don't tend to paint our little dears in a great light. They're headed to class, unable to rebut [...]

Time Out

2016-05-15T22:38:32+00:00 May 15th, 2016|parenting|

I've stormed out of the house again. Standing by the garage, I see my neighbor up the street wrangling clippings into the green bin, and I think maybe I'll head up there. Make conversation. But I'm not sure. There's a wet dishtowl over my shoulder, and probably a fire in my eye. I might seem [...]

The Hard Work of Good Fun

2017-05-18T14:44:40+00:00 January 3rd, 2016|holidays and celebrations, parenting|

I laughed out loud to read my friend Whitney's caption under a delightful movie of her child sledding in snow. "This video is misleading," she wrote, "Today has not been all fun and games." While she's always enjoyable to read (and her blog 510 Families is an East Bay must for parents), my delight was also because I'd [...]

Animal Story

2017-05-18T14:44:50+00:00 October 22nd, 2015|adoption, daily life, parenting|

In my (priviledged) experience, you have to look pretty hard in Berkeley to find somebody who'll object to gays, or two guys raising children, polytheistic and vegetarian. (We're actually omnivores, that last bit just an example). I don't think my expressive dance therapy, Ojai psychic, or Reiki training could manage a rolled eye for at [...]

Flying, Prepared

2017-05-18T14:44:58+00:00 October 1st, 2015|daily life, parenting|

I thought I'd be one of those prepared dads, with a little pocket screwdriver, duct tape, some crayons and a bunch of grapes at the ready. But I often fail to have even the essentials. This is compounded by the new math. Getting two kids to one school at the same time sounds easier than getting two [...]

My Life Not In The Theatre

2017-05-18T14:45:03+00:00 August 18th, 2015|daily life, parenting|

I had such a vision for my family enjoying culture and the arts. I'd get dreamy seeing young kids at the museum, or when friends brought a baby to a party. It gave me a refreshing hope that creative parents can keep their lives going and integrate the kids. If they can do it we can do it, right? Right? [...]

The Baby

2015-08-11T16:08:54+00:00 August 11th, 2015|daily life, parenting|

I can remember only a few things about kindergarten. Making paintings with string, all of us in our painting aprons. Somehow getting poor Mrs. Gibson in a conversation about whether God exists. (She and my mother became lifelong friends, so whatever that was about they worked it out.) I barely remember how it felt to [...]

Skin

2015-07-13T11:04:47+00:00 July 2nd, 2015|parenting|

Is it normal for parenting to feel like you've got absolutely no skin? We went for Shayla's 8-year-old checkup this week, and she kept up quite a brave front. "Am I doing a great job?" she asked, at least 4 times, as we drove there, parked, and got to the waiting room. "You're doing awesome." She [...]