Is it normal for parenting to feel like you’ve got absolutely no skin? We went for Shayla’s 8-year-old checkup this week, and she kept up quite a brave front. “Am I doing a great job?” she asked, at least 4 times, as we drove there, parked, and got to the waiting room. “You’re doing awesome.” She…
I was startled today to realize that I’d been comforting my daughter for a few minutes without really taking in, or taking seriously, that the tragedy at hand was that she had to ride with me to swimming, not her beloved Papa. (“Not Daddy, noooo! I always have to go with Daddy! Why do I never ever…
I love the Throwback Thursday photos posted by friends when the nineties seemed so “now.” How young/cute/clueless we all seem! But parenting is giving me a different kinds of flashback, and lately it’s been to high school, 1978-1982. (Yikes!) [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″…
I know it’s developmental. Kids are wired to be self-centered, and part of our job is to help them understand there are other people in the world. Sometimes they impress me, like when Jaden insists on bringing his big sister a treat if he’s getting one. Haircut lolipop? He’s got an absolute code of honor…
I’ve been thinking about a sketch I did years ago. In another life, really. Surrounded by sick and fearful friends, I immersed myself in what you might call the California New Age curriculum. We talked about our feelings, drew them, danced them. A skeptic would have a lot to make fun of. A believer could be changed forever….
We all know Jay and I didn’t turn out to be French Parents a la Pamela Druckerman. The vision sounded so nice: after eating a very adult dinner, the little ones loving the kale and trying everything, the kids trump off to their rooms, ready for bed. After books and kisses, no drama sleep while the parents have…
Back to school! Second grade started Wednesday and I dragged Shayla clothes shopping and to get a haircut, rituals that feel as important as they are trivial. Why do we buy new clothes just before school starts? Our economy depends on us buying this stuff, but it’s deeper and more primal for me. I can only vaguely…
It’s been a year since we got married, and following a tradition I’ve heard about but never known anyone to actually do, we defrosted the top layer of our wedding cake and had it for dessert after dinner. It was delicious. Jaden loves cake, and somehow he talked me into putting Hershey’s syrup on it, so he…
When it comes to geography, I’m a cat, not a dog. I’m slow to settle in. When I moved from Texas to the Bay Area, I loved it right away, but it took me a year or longer to start to feel like this was my home. Smaller moves across the bridge to San Francisco…
You know if you’re the practical one. You sense when it’s garbage night. You have the phone number for the kids’ dentist and doctor. If you and your spouse both have the flu for 15 or more days, you’re more likely to rise from a 103 fever and pick up the kids from school. We…
Sunday was gorgeous in Northern California, weirdly summery and hot, and we were at a memorial for my friend Frank Sclafani, who died suddenly and unexpectedly in the fall, a young, vibrant 59, gone too soon. The crowd overfilled the space, and stories about Frank’s warmth and gentle kindness were everywhere. So much to celebrate,…
Before kids, I pined so much for kid time. The longing was profound. I’m so happy to have kids now, overjoyed! But I’m surprised how lonely parenting can be. It’s like we’ve stepped through this door into a different world, and I haven’t completely adjusted; I don’t know enough people in my new land. When…
Everyone’s ready for school to start again. Each morning for the last week, about 6 am, Jaden gets right in my sleeping face and says hopefully, “school today?” Shayla is also sick of us, ready to see her friends. I thought I’d clear the cobwebs in my own head by sorting out the garage and…
“I love your blog, but you never have anything like this in it” Grandpa Mel said quietly as Shayla threw herself into her third round of violent weeping and begging for… oh I can’t remember what. To bring a toy with us? To get something from her brother Jaden or deny something to him? Hot…
I was smug at Thanksgiving when I didn’t get the bug going around. The kids puked onto me liberally, they spiked 103 fevers. I handled it calmly, even pleasantly, and I didn’t get sick. We had a nice Thanksgivikkuh! But if you believe in retribution, karmic payback came today. I got it, possible punishment for arrogance. 101…
I was afraid my kids might not love Disneyland like I do, but they took to it like pros. Despite a full day drive there and back, long and unpredictable hours, more than usual sugar intake, and near-constant bombardment of stimulation, our five day trip went remarkably well. We had wonderful help and support from…
No one who knows her would call our daughter Shayla a wallflower. “She’s a fighter,” her first grade teacher told us in our parent conference, “and that’s a good thing. Sometimes in this world you have to fight for what you want.” I’ve always thought of myself as mellow, but living with Shayla I’m coming…
Our 3 year old shot up three quarters of an inch in the last month, and has outgrown his pajamas, again. He’s 3’3″. The 6 year old hit 4’1″ and outgrew her car seat, so we took off the back and now it’s just a booster. It’s blindingly fast the way this flotilla of kid…
I stayed up late finishing Meg Wolitzer’s The Interestings tonight, captivated by her lovely prose and the widescreen view she offers of a group of friends who meet as teenagers and stay involved through middle age. It’s such a gift, the ability to be so specific and detailed that there’s a simultaneous feeling she’s speaking…
We just switched our daughter from a “star/sticker” system to a “points/rewards” plan, and the difference is dramatic, in her and in me. I’ve decided it’s time to award myself some points! But first I should explain. A sticker on the calendar for a successful day was a zero-sum game; while the intent was to…
