adoption

More on Kindergarten

2017-05-18T14:48:27+00:00 September 2nd, 2012|adoption, gay dads|

It's becoming clear that our daughter not having a kindergarten assignment is pushing buttons I wasn't fully aware of. Of course I am annoyed for her sake, having to make one more transition in a life that's had too many. And it's a pain as her parents, not having a school assignment. We can't set [...]

Our Kindergartener

2017-05-18T14:48:29+00:00 August 29th, 2012|adoption, daily life|

Dropping her off for her first day of kindergarten was a shock. It was sweet, but like a punch in the stomach too. I can't believe our 5-year-old is in kindergarten! She generally puts on a very brave face for the public, so she thoughtfully had her meltdown last night, crying because she missed her [...]

Thinking About the Birth Parents

2017-05-18T14:48:44+00:00 July 26th, 2012|adoption|

This week comes the hearing to determine whether the county will stop the reunification services for our kids' birth mom. It's the next step toward her parental rights being ended, which will free them for adoption. This is weird on many levels. First of all, we're busy becoming a family, so the reminder that there's [...]

Asynchronous Bonding

2017-05-18T14:48:47+00:00 July 14th, 2012|adoption, daily life|

It's my ridiculous and persistent belief (or hope) that everyone is feeling just the way I am. Liking the same movies, digging the same books, feeling the same way about how the planet is going. The partner, of course, has it worst—all these dreams for enjoying everything together. Impossible, but unshakable. Of course we all [...]

Ghosts in the Nursery

2017-05-18T14:48:52+00:00 July 8th, 2012|adoption, parenting|

I'm getting a lot of T Berry Brazelton's Touchpoints second-hand from Jay, who's loving these books. It's fair to say we've both been shocked by the depth and intensity of our own stuff that's coming up as we learn to parent these kids. The "Ghosts in the Nursery" are the remnants and afterimages of our [...]

Life Should Always Be Like Family Camp

2017-05-18T14:48:56+00:00 June 27th, 2012|adoption, daily life|

It's a simple request, that I come to again and again in this life. Can't it always be like this? Can't I hold onto this one lovely movement and keep everything just the same? That the answer is inevitably no does not sink in. We want what we want, no matter what logic and reality suggest. [...]

I Need a Vacation

2017-05-18T14:48:59+00:00 June 14th, 2012|adoption|

We continue to settle in, test each other out, and find our patterns. It's going well. But I need a break! Time for our week at family camp, which we've done with my godson for years. I'm excited to get out into the trees and ridiculous fun of tie-dye, campfire shows, and mess hall food. [...]

Peace

2017-05-18T14:49:10+00:00 May 24th, 2012|adoption, daily life|

There's nothing like the sleepy, happy quiet that descends after all hell has broken loose, and things are restored. The crying stops, tempers calm down. You can hear small gusts of wind outside, the kids are asleep, and the last purple blue light makes everything through the window magical and gorgeous. Yes, we survived the [...]

Pushing

2012-05-22T12:32:14+00:00 May 20th, 2012|adoption, parenting|

I don't know what I thought the "pushing, testing" stage would look like, but I didn't think it would involve pushing the cat off the balcony. It did. Theory one: kids who've experienced rejection try to recreate it. Having lost a home they expect to lose this one too, and create situations that will help [...]

There Aren’t Words

2012-04-29T19:59:25+00:00 April 28th, 2012|adoption|

How do you explain the brutal and unexplainable? Can emotion, intuition, and love help us heal from things that should completely crush us? Those were some of my thoughts when, her first night here, our daughter-to-be burst into uncontrollable sobs, shrieking for the mother who's abandoned & failed her. It was completely understandable: the girl's [...]

The Good News Keeps Coming

2017-05-18T14:49:22+00:00 April 27th, 2012|adoption, waiting and wanting kids|

The placement date was set, about 3 weeks away, and we are set to do our first overnight tonight. Hooray! Oh wait, the placement date needs to be moved up two weeks. They're moving in next weekend, unless they're not. And we're going to be their forever family. Unless something weird happens in the legal [...]

Loving Someone We’ve Not Yet Met

2017-05-18T14:49:40+00:00 March 8th, 2012|adoption, waiting and wanting kids|

It feels like Spring, and I'm thinking about love. One thing I like about yoga is that there's lots of talk about the human condition. It's a little philosophy chat during your workout. Years ago a yoga teacher said "if you didn't get your chin to your legs, it's no big deal. If you did [...]

A Happy Retraction

2017-05-18T14:49:46+00:00 February 23rd, 2012|adoption, waiting and wanting kids|

We have a tradition in my family. As nerdy, techy, competent guys, the men in my family like like to be right. Often this is useful, because we do tend to know a lot about how electricity, plumbing, and basic mechanics work. But I've been known to be sure about things that might be a tiny [...]