Getting to Yes

2017-05-18T14:48:00+00:00 November 26th, 2012|adoption, parenting|

Our angelic "terrible 2"-year-old had a big breakthrough this week. He learned to say yes! I never thought about what a huge developmental leap this concept must be. Clearly, no is more compelling and immediate early in life; most of what happens to us just happens, so the need to reject the things we absolutely [...]

I’ve Got the Music in Me

2017-05-18T14:48:01+00:00 November 18th, 2012|adoption, holidays and celebrations|

I grew up in Austin, Texas, live music capital of the country, so it was humbling to realize a few years ago that by far I'd seen local toddler band The Sippy Cups live more times than any other band my whole life. In fact, I had to admit they were perhaps my all time [...]

Interview with Adoption Blogger Meg

2017-05-18T14:48:05+00:00 November 13th, 2012|adoption|

As part of the Open Adoption Interview project, this week bloggers who talk about adoption are interviewing each other. Here's my interview of Meg, who writes She and her husband adopted two adorable kids at birth, and they maintain a relationship with the birth mom. Meg writes about adoption, family life, and amazing cooking [...]

Barfing Rhinestones and Other Miracles

2017-05-18T14:48:20+00:00 September 23rd, 2012|adoption|

Until today when I found out how easy it was, I think in the back of my mind I always worried about the medical instruction "induce vomiting." But it's really simple. When the 2-year-old gobbled up a bunch of his sister's big plastic gemstones,  I started rooting around in his mouth to get all the crap [...]

More on Kindergarten

2017-05-18T14:48:27+00:00 September 2nd, 2012|adoption, gay dads|

It's becoming clear that our daughter not having a kindergarten assignment is pushing buttons I wasn't fully aware of. Of course I am annoyed for her sake, having to make one more transition in a life that's had too many. And it's a pain as her parents, not having a school assignment. We can't set [...]

Our Kindergartener

2017-05-18T14:48:29+00:00 August 29th, 2012|adoption, daily life|

Dropping her off for her first day of kindergarten was a shock. It was sweet, but like a punch in the stomach too. I can't believe our 5-year-old is in kindergarten! She generally puts on a very brave face for the public, so she thoughtfully had her meltdown last night, crying because she missed her [...]

Thinking About the Birth Parents

2017-05-18T14:48:44+00:00 July 26th, 2012|adoption|

This week comes the hearing to determine whether the county will stop the reunification services for our kids' birth mom. It's the next step toward her parental rights being ended, which will free them for adoption. This is weird on many levels. First of all, we're busy becoming a family, so the reminder that there's [...]

Asynchronous Bonding

2017-05-18T14:48:47+00:00 July 14th, 2012|adoption, daily life|

It's my ridiculous and persistent belief (or hope) that everyone is feeling just the way I am. Liking the same movies, digging the same books, feeling the same way about how the planet is going. The partner, of course, has it worst—all these dreams for enjoying everything together. Impossible, but unshakable. Of course we all [...]

Ghosts in the Nursery

2017-05-18T14:48:52+00:00 July 8th, 2012|adoption, parenting|

I'm getting a lot of T Berry Brazelton's Touchpoints second-hand from Jay, who's loving these books. It's fair to say we've both been shocked by the depth and intensity of our own stuff that's coming up as we learn to parent these kids. The "Ghosts in the Nursery" are the remnants and afterimages of our [...]

Life Should Always Be Like Family Camp

2017-05-18T14:48:56+00:00 June 27th, 2012|adoption, daily life|

It's a simple request, that I come to again and again in this life. Can't it always be like this? Can't I hold onto this one lovely movement and keep everything just the same? That the answer is inevitably no does not sink in. We want what we want, no matter what logic and reality suggest. [...]

I Need a Vacation

2017-05-18T14:48:59+00:00 June 14th, 2012|adoption|

We continue to settle in, test each other out, and find our patterns. It's going well. But I need a break! Time for our week at family camp, which we've done with my godson for years. I'm excited to get out into the trees and ridiculous fun of tie-dye, campfire shows, and mess hall food. [...]


2017-05-18T14:49:10+00:00 May 24th, 2012|adoption, daily life|

There's nothing like the sleepy, happy quiet that descends after all hell has broken loose, and things are restored. The crying stops, tempers calm down. You can hear small gusts of wind outside, the kids are asleep, and the last purple blue light makes everything through the window magical and gorgeous. Yes, we survived the [...]


2012-05-22T12:32:14+00:00 May 20th, 2012|adoption, parenting|

I don't know what I thought the "pushing, testing" stage would look like, but I didn't think it would involve pushing the cat off the balcony. It did. Theory one: kids who've experienced rejection try to recreate it. Having lost a home they expect to lose this one too, and create situations that will help [...]

There Aren’t Words

2012-04-29T19:59:25+00:00 April 28th, 2012|adoption|

How do you explain the brutal and unexplainable? Can emotion, intuition, and love help us heal from things that should completely crush us? Those were some of my thoughts when, her first night here, our daughter-to-be burst into uncontrollable sobs, shrieking for the mother who's abandoned & failed her. It was completely understandable: the girl's [...]