adoption
Asynchronous Bonding
July 14th, 2012 | adoption daily life
It’s my ridiculous and persistent belief (or hope) that everyone is feeling just the way I am. Liking the same movies, digging the same books, feeling the same way about how the planet is going. The partner, of course, has it worst—all these dreams for enjoying everything together. Impossible, but unshakable.
Ghosts in the Nursery
July 8th, 2012 | adoption parenting
I’m getting a lot of T Berry Brazelton’s Touchpoints second-hand from Jay, who’s loving these books. It’s fair to say we’ve both been shocked by the depth and intensity of our own stuff that’s coming up as we learn to parent these kids.
Life Should Always Be Like Family Camp
June 27th, 2012 | adoption daily life
It’s a simple request, that I come to again and again in this life. Can’t it always be like this? Can’t I hold onto this one lovely movement and keep everything just the same?
I Need a Vacation
June 14th, 2012 | adoption
We continue to settle in, test each other out, and find our patterns. It’s going well. But I need a break!
Peace
May 24th, 2012 | adoption daily life
There’s nothing like the sleepy, happy quiet that descends after all hell has broken loose, and things are restored. The crying stops, tempers calm down. You can hear small gusts of wind outside, the kids are asleep, and the last purple blue light makes everything through the window magical and gorgeous.
Pushing
May 20th, 2012 | adoption parenting
I don’t know what I thought the “pushing, testing” stage would look like, but I didn’t think it would involve pushing the cat off the balcony.
Quiet Before It All Changes: My Last “Waiting” Post
May 3rd, 2012 | adoption gay dads waiting and wanting kids
What a crazy system! I’m not sure I know a better way, but having “visits” and “overnights” and then taking the kids back to their current foster home just seems to upset them, and us. Change is hard, but now that it’s clear it’s going to go, my thought is we should just do it and get started on our life.
There Aren’t Words
April 28th, 2012 | adoption
How do you explain the brutal and unexplainable? Can emotion, intuition, and love help us heal from things that should completely crush us?
The Good News Keeps Coming
April 27th, 2012 | adoption waiting and wanting kids
The placement date was set, about 3 weeks away, and we are set to do our first overnight tonight. Hooray! Oh wait, the placement date needs to be moved up two weeks. They’re moving in next weekend, unless they’re not. And we’re going to be their forever family. Unless something weird happens in the legal system, so we can’t quite say that, but kind of.
Wait Over! We Meet The Kids!
April 17th, 2012 | adoption holidays and celebrations waiting and wanting kids
I’ve been in a happy shock, as well as a whirling-dervish of childproofing and preparation. We’ve met our kids! It’s been a blur, but here are the high points.
Loving Someone We’ve Not Yet Met
March 8th, 2012 | adoption waiting and wanting kids
It feels like Spring, and I’m thinking about love.
A Happy Retraction
February 23rd, 2012 | adoption waiting and wanting kids
We have a tradition in my family. As nerdy, techy, competent guys, the men in my family like like to be right. Often this is useful, because we do tend to know a lot about how electricity, plumbing, and basic mechanics work. But I’ve been known to be sure about things that might be a tiny bit outside my expertise.
The Rejection: We Were So Close!
January 25th, 2012 | adoption gay dads waiting and wanting kids
Unfortunately this week a placement we hoped (and had been told) was very likely to happen fell through, for unknown reasons. Hopefully it was because of something positive for the kids like a better placement. Weirdly, we will never know.
The Hardest Part: Saying No
January 2nd, 2012 | adoption waiting and wanting kids
Is it amazing, or predictable? After giving up on anything happening during the holidays, we were asked if we’d take an infant. New year’s eve-eve, as we were leaving town for a few days away. The baby had to be picked up that day.
Good Problems
November 30th, 2011 | adoption waiting and wanting kids
While I’m sure I’ve tried everyone’s patience going over my angst and excitement waiting for kids (and I reserve the right to continue complaining as necessary), I feel it’s also important to keep a little perspective. These are good problems to have.
Trying to Understand a Dysfunctional System
November 22nd, 2011 | adoption
We’re experiencing the most frustrating disconnect between the urgency we feel reading about children in the foster care system and the response of the system to these kids.
It’s Not Because We’re Gay
November 21st, 2011 | adoption gay dads
Maybe the most surprising thing about our adoption journey has been how much being a gay couple seems to barely figured into it at all.
Training: The Big Scare
November 19th, 2011 | adoption
OK, I understand that training for adoption and foster parenting has to kick you in the gut a little, to weed out those who aren’t serious or prepared.