gay dads

Quitting

2016-09-27T19:00:37+00:00 September 27th, 2016|daily life, gay dads, parenting|

Two recent endings have me feeling a bit deflated, though it's been tough to figure out exactly why. First, I'm giving up standing at work, or at least most of the time. I'd had great hopes for the benefits (health! vigor!), but after more than a year trying it, I think it's mostly substituted back stuff [...]

The Lady Makeup

2017-05-18T14:44:49+00:00 November 4th, 2015|gay dads, holidays and celebrations|

We were almost ready for trick-or-treating, but I could tell Shayla wanted to ask something. Her hesitation made it seem unlikely I'd be able to say yes. (No, we can't take the pet rat with us. No, you can't unstuff the couch cushons and use the fabric for your outfit. No, no, no....) I was startled [...]

My Miranda July Superbowl

2017-05-18T14:45:28+00:00 February 1st, 2015|daily life, gay dads, holidays and celebrations|

The best part about reading fiction, maybe any book, is the way a wonderful writer stays in your head. For a few days after finishing a book, it feels like I have some special goggles on, still half in the world of the novel. This weekend it was Miranda July's The First Bad Man, and let me [...]

Pondering Irrelevance

2017-05-18T14:45:40+00:00 November 6th, 2014|gay dads|

Tonight I had the fantastic opportunity to attend the Out & Equal conference closing dinner,thanks to Jay's connection Brigadier General Tammy Smith, the highest ranking openly lesbian or gay person in the US military. It was a beautiful eveing, and fun. Comic Kate Clinton was hilarious. Martha Wash performed "Everybody Dance Now (Gonna Make You Sweat)." OMG! And [...]

Stranger in Strange Lands

2017-05-18T14:46:12+00:00 May 5th, 2014|daily life, gay dads|

Parenthood, I'm finding, is a trip deep into unknown territory, from playdate to PTA. There's the thrill of easy membership: they just accept that I'm the dad here — no proof required. And the welcome shock of feeling  “post-gay”: my primary identity in most of these places is Shayla or Jaden′s dad. Everything else is a [...]

The Old Ball Game

2014-03-09T20:14:04+00:00 March 9th, 2014|daily life, gay dads|

I'd already gotten Shayla to the first practice of softball league, had put on my team shirt, met the coach, and offered to help carry up the equipment to the field when it hit me: I was a little league conscientious objector, and have never learned the rules of the game. I'd pray a ball [...]

Unshielding Myself

2017-05-18T14:46:47+00:00 October 1st, 2013|daily life, gay dads|

The "season of marriage and adoption" has been incredible. I was shocked and thrilled when the New York Times ran our wedding announcement, and then the San Francisco Chronicle ran a beautiful story about our relationship, the adoptions and marriage. And with everyone giving us their blessings, I've felt so much love coming in from [...]

More and More Married

2017-05-18T14:46:52+00:00 September 26th, 2013|adoption, gay dads, holidays and celebrations|

I've been shocked by how changed I feel. I'm living with the same guy and kids, in the same place, same work, same dog, same cat. But a wedding, two adoptions, and a bridezilla reception has really changed how I feel in my life. The power of ceremonies and traditions shouldn't surprise me; there's a [...]

Love, Marriage, Kids

2017-05-18T14:47:10+00:00 June 28th, 2013|adoption, gay dads|

I've been dumbstruck by the supreme court ruling that ended up legalizing gay marriage in California. I knew it was coming. I expected jubilation, but have had a more complicated response. This is also the week we met with our adoption social worker. Similarly, it felt sudden, after more than a year of frustrating delays. [...]

More on Kindergarten

2017-05-18T14:48:27+00:00 September 2nd, 2012|adoption, gay dads|

It's becoming clear that our daughter not having a kindergarten assignment is pushing buttons I wasn't fully aware of. Of course I am annoyed for her sake, having to make one more transition in a life that's had too many. And it's a pain as her parents, not having a school assignment. We can't set [...]

But We Are, Blanche

2017-05-18T14:48:37+00:00 August 11th, 2012|daily life, gay dads|

The "no strollers" sign was a wake-up call. We'd managed to Yelp a family-friendly seafood restaurant and then Google Maps our way to it. (Why using simple tools that previously required absolutely no effort is nearly impossible with two kids is a mystery to me, but I swear it's a real phenomenon.) We buckle the two-year-old [...]

The Rejection: We Were So Close!

2017-05-18T14:49:52+00:00 January 25th, 2012|adoption, gay dads, waiting and wanting kids|

Unfortunately this week a placement we hoped (and had been told) was very likely to happen fell through, for unknown reasons. Hopefully it was because of something positive for the kids like a better placement. Weirdly, we will never know. Sadly, instead of having great news which I've been going crazy hiding under my hat, we've [...]

It’s Not Because We’re Gay

2011-11-25T11:08:32+00:00 November 21st, 2011|adoption, gay dads|

Maybe the most surprising thing about our adoption journey has been how much being a gay couple seems to barely figured into it at all. Of course we don't live in a perfect utopia, and our foster/adoption agency has made it clear that some social workers representing kids still won't place with gay families. And there [...]