In my (priviledged) experience, you have to look pretty hard in Berkeley to find somebody who'll object to gays, or two guys raising children, polytheistic and vegetarian. (We're actually omnivores, that last bit just an example). I don't think my expressive dance therapy, Ojai psychic, or Reiki training could manage a rolled eye for at [...]
I thought I'd be one of those prepared dads, with a little pocket screwdriver, duct tape, some crayons and a bunch of grapes at the ready. But I often fail to have even the essentials. This is compounded by the new math. Getting two kids to one school at the same time sounds easier than getting two [...]
I had such a vision for my family enjoying culture and the arts. I'd get dreamy seeing young kids at the museum, or when friends brought a baby to a party. It gave me a refreshing hope that creative parents can keep their lives going and integrate the kids. If they can do it we can do it, right? Right? [...]
I can remember only a few things about kindergarten. Making paintings with string, all of us in our painting aprons. Somehow getting poor Mrs. Gibson in a conversation about whether God exists. (She and my mother became lifelong friends, so whatever that was about they worked it out.) I barely remember how it felt to [...]
Is it normal for parenting to feel like you've got absolutely no skin? We went for Shayla's 8-year-old checkup this week, and she kept up quite a brave front. "Am I doing a great job?" she asked, at least 4 times, as we drove there, parked, and got to the waiting room. "You're doing awesome." She [...]
I was startled today to realize that I'd been comforting my daughter for a few minutes without really taking in, or taking seriously, that the tragedy at hand was that she had to ride with me to swimming, not her beloved Papa. ("Not Daddy, noooo! I always have to go with Daddy! Why do I never ever [...]
I love the Throwback Thursday photos posted by friends when the nineties seemed so "now." How young/cute/clueless we all seem! But parenting is giving me a different kinds of flashback, and lately it's been to high school, 1978-1982. (Yikes!) Me around 1977 or 1978? Notice the blue-lemon-and-lime color scheme, including custom painted garbage can and sidetable. Also the polyester [...]
I know it's developmental. Kids are wired to be self-centered, and part of our job is to help them understand there are other people in the world. Sometimes they impress me, like when Jaden insists on bringing his big sister a treat if he's getting one. Haircut lolipop? He's got an absolute code of honor [...]
I've been thinking about a sketch I did years ago. In another life, really. Surrounded by sick and fearful friends, I immersed myself in what you might call the California New Age curriculum. We talked about our feelings, drew them, danced them. A skeptic would have a lot to make fun of. A believer could be changed forever. [...]
We all know Jay and I didn't turn out to be French Parents a la Pamela Druckerman. The vision sounded so nice: after eating a very adult dinner, the little ones loving the kale and trying everything, the kids trump off to their rooms, ready for bed. After books and kisses, no drama sleep while the parents have [...]
Back to school! Second grade started Wednesday and I dragged Shayla clothes shopping and to get a haircut, rituals that feel as important as they are trivial. Why do we buy new clothes just before school starts? Our economy depends on us buying this stuff, but it's deeper and more primal for me. I can only vaguely [...]
It's been a year since we got married, and following a tradition I've heard about but never known anyone to actually do, we defrosted the top layer of our wedding cake and had it for dessert after dinner. It was delicious. Jaden loves cake, and somehow he talked me into putting Hershey's syrup on it, so he [...]
When it comes to geography, I'm a cat, not a dog. I'm slow to settle in. When I moved from Texas to the Bay Area, I loved it right away, but it took me a year or longer to start to feel like this was my home. Smaller moves across the bridge to San Francisco [...]
You know if you're the practical one. You sense when it's garbage night. You have the phone number for the kids' dentist and doctor. If you and your spouse both have the flu for 15 or more days, you're more likely to rise from a 103 fever and pick up the kids from school. We [...]
Sunday was gorgeous in Northern California, weirdly summery and hot, and we were at a memorial for my friend Frank Sclafani, who died suddenly and unexpectedly in the fall, a young, vibrant 59, gone too soon. The crowd overfilled the space, and stories about Frank's warmth and gentle kindness were everywhere. So much to celebrate, [...]