parenting
The Breaking Point
November 25th, 2017 | parenting
The school secretary sounded serious. “Your daughter is ok, but I think she needs to be seen by a doctor,” she told me. She’d slipped in the mud playing football and her arm hurt.
Cub Scouts and Knausgaard
October 3rd, 2017 | daily life parenting
Really all I need is a simple way back to now. And I need it again, and again, and again. When I escape the trap of my worries, the real world seems so solid and beautiful.
Labor, and Rest
September 4th, 2017 | parenting
As an anxious person, I spend a lot of time trying to calm myself (and others) down. As a loving person I long to be in synch with and connected to people.
My Children Far, and Near
July 1st, 2017 | adoption parenting
We’re just back from a week at family camp.
Travel Madness
October 12th, 2016 | parenting
We’re just back from a whirlwind 4-day trip to Boston, and I know I should be celebrating keeping the kids alive through airplanes, subways, Ubers, and staying with friends. We had fun, we all came back, we didn’t get kicked out of anywhere. That should be a win, right? But it’s been hard to stop focusing on the little disasters or near misses.
Quitting
September 27th, 2016 | daily life gay dads parenting
Two recent endings have me feeling a bit deflated, though it’s been tough to figure out exactly why.
Summer Storms and Switching Places
August 6th, 2016 | adoption parenting
I should know not to tempt fate. Maybe a year ago I started feeling cocky, like we’d gotten this parenting thing down. Nobody knows what they’re doing, of course, but I felt we’re going to survive it—the adults, the kids, our marriage. I felt that everyone will emerge, more or less, unscathed.
Coming Out
July 6th, 2016 | parenting
It was time to start telling people. Probably past time.
My Bad
May 17th, 2016 | parenting
One of the perks of writing — and I guess parenting — is that I get to be right so much of the time, or imagine that I am. School dropoff is time for the adults to share war stories, and these don’t tend to paint our little dears in a great light. They’re headed to class, unable to rebut our stories. They’ve got reading journals, we’ve got email. For now, the power is not equal.
Time Out
May 15th, 2016 | parenting
I’ve stormed out of the house again. Standing by the garage, I see my neighbor up the street wrangling clippings into the green bin, and I think maybe I’ll head up there. Make conversation. But I’m not sure. There’s a wet dishtowl over my shoulder, and probably a fire in my eye. I might seem deranged. Perhaps I am. Have I been crying?
The Hard Work of Good Fun
January 3rd, 2016 | holidays and celebrations parenting
I laughed out loud to read my friend Whitney’s caption under a delightful movie of her child sledding in snow. “This video is misleading,” she wrote, “Today has not been all fun and games.” While she’s always enjoyable to read (and her blog 510 Families is an East Bay must for parents), my delight was also because I’d been mulling over the grueling labor that makes a fun trip to Disneyland possible.
Animal Story
October 22nd, 2015 | adoption daily life parenting
In my (priviledged) experience, you have to look pretty hard in Berkeley to find somebody who’ll object to gays, or two guys raising children, polytheistic and vegetarian. (We’re actually omnivores, that last bit just an example). I don’t think my expressive dance therapy, Ojai psychic, or Reiki training could manage a rolled eye for at least 2 miles in any direction.
Flying, Prepared
October 1st, 2015 | daily life parenting
I thought I’d be one of those prepared dads, with a little pocket screwdriver, duct tape, some crayons and a bunch of grapes at the ready. But I often fail to have even the essentials.
My Life Not In The Theatre
August 18th, 2015 | daily life parenting
I had such a vision for my family enjoying culture and the arts. I’d get dreamy seeing young kids at the museum, or when friends brought a baby to a party. It gave me a refreshing hope that creative parents can keep their lives going and integrate the kids. If they can do it we can do it, right? Right?
The Baby
August 11th, 2015 | daily life parenting
I can remember only a few things about kindergarten. Making paintings with string, all of us in our painting aprons. Somehow getting poor Mrs. Gibson in a conversation about whether God exists. (She and my mother became lifelong friends, so whatever that was about they worked it out.)
Skin
July 2nd, 2015 | parenting
Is it normal for parenting to feel like you’ve got absolutely no skin?
Please, Anybody But Me!
June 13th, 2015 | daily life parenting
I was startled today to realize that I’d been comforting my daughter for a few minutes without really taking in, or taking seriously, that the tragedy at hand was that she had to ride with me to swimming, not her beloved Papa. (“Not Daddy, noooo! I always have to go with Daddy! Why do I never ever ever get to ride with Papa?!” [Weep!] [Wail!])
Throwback Parenting
March 6th, 2015 | parenting
I love the Throwback Thursday photos posted by friends when the nineties seemed so “now.” How young/cute/clueless we all seem! But parenting is giving me a different kinds of flashback, and lately it’s been to high school, 1978-1982. (Yikes!)
Thank You for the Yucky Food
January 4th, 2015 | daily life parenting
I know it’s developmental. Kids are wired to be self-centered, and part of our job is to help them understand there are other people in the world. Sometimes they impress me, like when Jaden insists on bringing his big sister a treat if he’s getting one. Haircut lolipop? He’s got an absolute code of honor that he takes a second for his sister, asking nicely for it, and actually saving it for her. She manages to thank him because it gets more sugar into her system.
Drawing the Future
December 12th, 2014 | daily life parenting
I’ve been thinking about a sketch I did years ago. In another life, really. Surrounded by sick and fearful friends, I immersed myself in what you might call the California New Age curriculum. We talked about our feelings, drew them, danced them. A skeptic would have a lot to make fun of. A believer could be changed forever. I’ve got both inside me, but on a good day the believer wins out.