daily life

The Gold Trophy

2017-05-18T14:46:04+00:00 June 9th, 2014|daily life, takes a village|

The whole "micro" softball season was focused on the basics: which base to run to if you hit the ball (first), how to hit the ball (swing), how to work on a team (hint: not everybody should run for the ball at the same time). Nobody kept score, and at the end of the game each [...]

Facing the Truth and Moving On

2017-05-18T14:46:08+00:00 June 3rd, 2014|daily life|

Maybe parenting is the art of the impossible. How do you balance these crazy opposites? On the one hand, my daughter's idolization of her mom is something she deserves to hold on to. She's lost so much, it would be cruel to take that away. On the other hand, the part of her that remembers [...]

Stranger in Strange Lands

2017-05-18T14:46:12+00:00 May 5th, 2014|daily life, gay dads|

Parenthood, I'm finding, is a trip deep into unknown territory, from playdate to PTA. There's the thrill of easy membership: they just accept that I'm the dad here — no proof required. And the welcome shock of feeling  “post-gay”: my primary identity in most of these places is Shayla or Jaden′s dad. Everything else is a [...]

Springggg Forward!

2014-04-28T15:41:05+00:00 April 28th, 2014|daily life|

Like a cartoon character shot out of a catapult, we're zooming through Spring. An intimate Passover Seder, a giant egg-dying-and-hunting kidstravaganza, and a million things in between. Will the dog's eye require surgery? Should we give in and get Shayla a DS for her birthday? Is the kids' mom alive, and would a visit be [...]

Time Zones

2017-05-18T14:46:17+00:00 April 7th, 2014|daily life|

"Is Austin ahead of us or behind us," my daughter Shayla asked. Hm. "Ahead I think. They get 7 o'clock two hours before we get 7 o'clock." "No, that's not ahead." "Oh." I didn't know what to say to that. We've been disoriented all over the space time continuum lately. We had three Spring Breaks [...]

My Kids’ Berkeley

2017-05-18T14:46:19+00:00 March 13th, 2014|daily life, parenting|

When it comes to geography, I'm a cat, not a dog. I'm slow to settle in. When I moved from Texas to the Bay Area, I loved it right away, but it took me a year or longer to start to feel like this was my home. Smaller moves across the bridge to San Francisco [...]

The Old Ball Game

2014-03-09T20:14:04+00:00 March 9th, 2014|daily life, gay dads|

I'd already gotten Shayla to the first practice of softball league, had put on my team shirt, met the coach, and offered to help carry up the equipment to the field when it hit me: I was a little league conscientious objector, and have never learned the rules of the game. I'd pray a ball [...]

Being the Practical One during a Family Flu

2017-05-18T14:46:20+00:00 February 17th, 2014|daily life, parenting|

You know if you're the practical one. You sense when it's garbage night. You have the phone number for the kids' dentist and doctor. If you and your spouse both have the flu for 15 or more days, you're more likely to rise from a 103 fever and pick up the kids from school. We [...]

Staying with Joy

2014-01-28T20:51:30+00:00 January 28th, 2014|daily life, parenting|

Sunday was gorgeous in Northern California, weirdly summery and hot, and we were at a memorial for my friend Frank Sclafani, who died suddenly and unexpectedly in the fall, a young, vibrant 59, gone too soon. The crowd overfilled the space, and stories about Frank's warmth and gentle kindness were everywhere. So much to celebrate, [...]

Saved by a Walk in the Hills

2014-01-05T16:29:03+00:00 January 5th, 2014|daily life, parenting|

Everyone's ready for school to start again. Each morning for the last week, about 6 am, Jaden gets right in my sleeping face and says hopefully, "school today?" Shayla is also sick of us, ready to see her friends. I thought I'd clear the cobwebs in my own head by sorting out the garage and [...]

Leaving Disneyland

2017-05-18T14:46:41+00:00 November 19th, 2013|daily life, parenting|

I was afraid my kids might not love Disneyland like I do, but they took to it like pros. Despite a full day drive there and back, long and unpredictable hours, more than usual sugar intake, and near-constant bombardment of stimulation, our five day trip went remarkably well. We had wonderful help and support from [...]

Unshielding Myself

2017-05-18T14:46:47+00:00 October 1st, 2013|daily life, gay dads|

The "season of marriage and adoption" has been incredible. I was shocked and thrilled when the New York Times ran our wedding announcement, and then the San Francisco Chronicle ran a beautiful story about our relationship, the adoptions and marriage. And with everyone giving us their blessings, I've felt so much love coming in from [...]

Shedding Their Skins

2017-05-18T14:46:57+00:00 September 5th, 2013|daily life, parenting|

Our 3 year old shot up three quarters of an inch in the last month, and has outgrown his pajamas, again. He's 3'3". The 6 year old hit 4'1" and outgrew her car seat, so we took off the back and now it's just a booster. It's blindingly fast the way this flotilla of kid [...]

It’s All So Interesting

2017-05-18T14:47:09+00:00 July 24th, 2013|daily life, parenting, waiting and wanting kids|

I stayed up late finishing Meg Wolitzer's The Interestings tonight, captivated by her lovely prose and the widescreen view she offers of a group of friends who meet as teenagers and stay involved through middle age. It's such a gift, the ability to be so specific and detailed that there's a simultaneous feeling she's speaking [...]

Scootering to School

2017-05-18T14:47:15+00:00 June 12th, 2013|daily life|

Most mornings our daughter dons her kitty helmet and rides her scooter to school, me trotting along beside her like a secret service agent keeping up with the presidential motorcade. We almost always make it before the 7:55 early bell, though sometimes it's close. We line up with her kindergarten class, and the day begins; [...]