parenting

Getting to Yes
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Getting to Yes

Our angelic “terrible 2”-year-old had a big breakthrough this week. He learned to say yes! I never thought about what a huge developmental leap this concept must be. Clearly, no is more compelling and immediate early in life; most of what happens to us just happens, so the need to reject the things we absolutely…

Ready for Joy
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Ready for Joy

Can I just say, I’m a little sick of hearing myself complain about my kids? Yes, it has been overwhelming, all-consuming, and much harder than I expected. Venting about the surprises, dramas, and relentlessness of it has been useful. As I’m learning from other parents, kids are often a big pain. But it’s insane that I’ve achieved…

Ghosts in the Nursery
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Ghosts in the Nursery

I’m getting a lot of T Berry Brazelton’s Touchpoints second-hand from Jay, who’s loving these books. It’s fair to say we’ve both been shocked by the depth and intensity of our own stuff that’s coming up as we learn to parent these kids. The “Ghosts in the Nursery” are the remnants and afterimages of our…

Pushing
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Pushing

I don’t know what I thought the “pushing, testing” stage would look like, but I didn’t think it would involve pushing the cat off the balcony. It did. Theory one: kids who’ve experienced rejection try to recreate it. Having lost a home they expect to lose this one too, and create situations that will help…

Is There Still Time to Turn French?
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Is There Still Time to Turn French?

After wading through a couple very earnest books on adoption and parent-child attachment, what fun to come across Pamela Druckerman’s Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. I love this book! It makes the French seem utterly sensible in their approach to children, and shows how nutty American kid culture has…

Appreciating Distraction

Appreciating Distraction

A knockout essay in the NY Times by Hanif Kureishi about the Value of Distraction got me thinking about how our obsession with diagnosing, regularizing, and “optimizing” kids. I’m sure treatments for ADHD have helped plenty of kids, and I’m not against medicine. But when the number of children on psych meds is so alarmingly high, I…