Is it amazing, or predictable? After giving up on anything happening during the holidays, we were asked if we’d take an infant. New year’s eve-eve, as we were leaving town for a few days away. The baby had to be picked up that day.

We’d heard of these situations. One of us heads to Target for baby supplies, the other to the hospital to pick up the baby.

We said no.

Besides both having nasty colds, besides being 2 minutes from walking out the door for a planned mini vacation, it was a high-risk placement. In fost/adopt that means a high (or unknown) risk that the baby would be reunified with its family. So we might have the infant for a week, a month, 6 months, or parental rights could be terminated and we’d be able to adopt. No knowing. Ugh.

Saying no was incredibly hard. Who says no to a baby? During the holidays? And of course it’s been hard not to second-guess. Just a month ago we said yes to a 3-month old (but then we weren’t chosen for that placement). Was this the child we were meant to have? Isn’t it bizarre how much chance plays a part in these huge matters of fate? We wouldn’t have gotten the call except that many of the other families were out of town—babies are high on many wanna-be parents’ list. We’ve heard again and again that it’s older kids who most need homes, and we’ve been focused on a child 2 or older.

Interestingly, talking about it afterwards, we were both worried that the other one would not be able to cope with a temporary placement, not ourselves as much. Jay thought I’d be too torn up by having a child in our home, bonding, and then having the child leave. Of course neither of us wants this situation, but after talking about it, we’ve realized we might have a higher tolerance than we thought. We’d both feel good about helping a child out, being a part of her or his life, if only for a little bit. If someone is needed, why not have it be us? The next time, when the “risk” is higher than we’d like, who knows, we just might say yes.

I was sad on and off much of the weekend, thinking about all the unknown things that weren’t to be in this life. But we also had a great, relaxing time, saw friends, enjoyed ourselves. New Year’s we toasted to a good, happy home for that baby.