The Art of Not Doing
December 23rd, 2013 | adoption
It’s only the first day of the kids two week vacation, and maybe it’s time to admit I’m not as skilled as I’d like to be at relaxing.
Christmas and My Hamid Karzai Hat
December 13th, 2013 | holidays and celebrations parenting
I was smug at Thanksgiving when I didn’t get the bug going around. The kids puked onto me liberally, they spiked 103 fevers. I handled it calmly, even pleasantly, and I didn’t get sick. We had a nice Thanksgivikkuh! But if you believe in retribution, karmic payback came today. I got it, possible punishment for arrogance. 101 temperature, swollen lymph nodes. My volunteer duty at my daughter’s Pancake Breakfast tomorrow ruined.
Leaving Disneyland
November 19th, 2013 | daily life parenting
I was afraid my kids might not love Disneyland like I do, but they took to it like pros. Despite a full day drive there and back, long and unpredictable hours, more than usual sugar intake, and near-constant bombardment of stimulation, our five day trip went remarkably well.
Letting Her Be Her Own Girl
November 10th, 2013 | parenting
No one who knows her would call our daughter Shayla a wallflower. “She’s a fighter,” her first grade teacher told us in our parent conference, “and that’s a good thing. Sometimes in this world you have to fight for what you want.”
Confused and Not Sure
October 21st, 2013 | adoption waiting and wanting kids
Is there anything weirder than everything going right? It’s disorienting. I’m a little bit lost.
Unshielding Myself
October 1st, 2013 | daily life gay dads
The “season of marriage and adoption” has been incredible. I was shocked and thrilled when the New York Times ran our wedding announcement, and then the San Francisco Chronicle ran a beautiful story about our relationship, the adoptions and marriage. And with everyone giving us their blessings, I’ve felt so much love coming in from friends and family. It’s been a wonderful plenty.
More and More Married
September 26th, 2013 | adoption gay dads holidays and celebrations
I’ve been shocked by how changed I feel. I’m living with the same guy and kids, in the same place, same work, same dog, same cat. But a wedding, two adoptions, and a bridezilla reception has really changed how I feel in my life.
Shedding Their Skins
September 5th, 2013 | daily life parenting
Our 3 year old shot up three quarters of an inch in the last month, and has outgrown his pajamas, again. He’s 3’3″. The 6 year old hit 4’1″ and outgrew her car seat, so we took off the back and now it’s just a booster. It’s blindingly fast the way this flotilla of kid stuff becomes utterly obsolete.
“I Need to Be Connected to You”
August 19th, 2013 | adoption
It’s incredible how clueless, and then how wise, our kids are.
Watching from the Billboards Above
August 15th, 2013 | holidays and celebrations
As we drove to San Francisco city hall to get hitched yesterday, Jay was startled to see a billboard for the AVA apartments on 9th Street. And flabbergasted this morning to see an ad for Avah perfume in the Times. It’s not a common name to see in print—at least we thought it wasn’t—and we’d just signed paperwork giving our son the middle name Avram, after Jay’s mom Avah. (By Jewish tradition you give children a Hebrew name with the same initial as the honoree, at least that’s my Jewish-by-marriage understanding of it.)
On the Dotted Line
August 13th, 2013 | adoption
I knew our social workers were coming this morning. We were even dressed when they arrived, which isn’t always the case. I knew they were bringing paperwork, but I hadn’t really thought about it. The 6-year-old needed her lunch for camp made. I was trying to get the 3-year-old to use his proud new kid scissor skills on scrap paper or blank paper rather than furniture or clothes. Oh, and we’re getting married tomorrow, so there are a few details to deal with about that.
It’s All So Interesting
July 24th, 2013 | daily life parenting waiting and wanting kids
I stayed up late finishing Meg Wolitzer’s The Interestings tonight, captivated by her lovely prose and the widescreen view she offers of a group of friends who meet as teenagers and stay involved through middle age. It’s such a gift, the ability to be so specific and detailed that there’s a simultaneous feeling she’s speaking of the universal, and about me.
Love, Marriage, Kids
June 28th, 2013 | adoption gay dads
I’ve been dumbstruck by the supreme court ruling that ended up legalizing gay marriage in California. I knew it was coming. I expected jubilation, but have had a more complicated response.
Scootering to School
June 12th, 2013 | daily life
Most mornings our daughter dons her kitty helmet and rides her scooter to school, me trotting along beside her like a secret service agent keeping up with the presidential motorcade. We almost always make it before the 7:55 early bell, though sometimes it’s close. We line up with her kindergarten class, and the day begins; I wander back home, uphill, scooter and helmet in tow.
In Love with Chuck E Cheese
May 29th, 2013 | daily life holidays and celebrations
Why do I find Disneyland completely enchanting and mesmerizing, and even enjoy Bass Outdoor World, but get the creeps at Chuck E Cheese?
Sick Day
May 18th, 2013 | daily life
Today was the biggest event of the year at our daughter’s kindergarten. Spring Carnival! We’ve heard and talked about little else for weeks, selling raffle tickets, signing up for face painting duty, picking out the perfect outfit. What a surprise when the first thing that she did when we arrived early for carnival setup was barf. All over. Like a Disney version of the Exorcist.
Mother’s Day Blues
May 9th, 2013 | adoption
For twenty plus years, Mother’s Day has been bittersweet for me. It’s lovely to remember Mom, but because she’s gone it’s also a lonely holiday. I help celebrate my wonderful step-mom and friends who are moms. But my mom I celebrate privately, internally.
The Great Leap Forward
April 30th, 2013 | adoption
Huge news, the hearing was today, and the judge terminated the mother’s parental rights and set adoption into our family as the “permanent plan” for the kids. Now the adoption phase begins. This means a new social worker and I’m not sure what else, but it sounds like mostly dotting the I’s and getting everything in order before the finalization.
Some Positive Points for Us
April 15th, 2013 | adoption parenting
We just switched our daughter from a “star/sticker” system to a “points/rewards” plan, and the difference is dramatic, in her and in me. I’ve decided it’s time to award myself some points! But first I should explain.
The Deliciousness of Normal
April 5th, 2013 | adoption
I’m not surprised, but proud as can be to report that the kids’ developmental assessments, required as part of the foster care adoption process, showed them to be completely age appropriate in their motor, social, and academic skills.