Like a cartoon character shot out of a catapult, we’re zooming through Spring. An intimate Passover Seder, a giant egg-dying-and-hunting kidstravaganza, and a million things in between. Will the dog’s eye require surgery? Should we give in and get Shayla a DS for her birthday? Is the kids’ mom alive, and would a visit be advisable? Does anybody make toddler pants waist size 5T, length 4T?

And what’s that we’re zooming towards? Summer, year end school parties, a ga-flurry of birthday parties, the bang-bang-bang of enrichment day camps. 

It’s reminding me of the slightly sick hangover I had as a kid the day after consuming 3/4th of all my Easter candy. I remember the fun, and a few of the to-dos, but it’s a jittery haze.

But even as it seems I’m not doing enough as a parent, or that this pace doesn’t feel sustainable, there’s another part of me that knows the anxiety and twirl of this is in part “phantom pain.” If I sit still for a minute, I have to admit that most of the things we have to figure out are getting done. The kids are clothed, in school, loving their activities and our family life. The dog’s getting treatment, summer camps are planned, and we’re blessed to be able to almost afford it all.

So who’s panicking in there?

The part of me that was long frenetically engaged in making this family happen — coordinating the trainings, paperwork, decorating, self-improvement, planning, hoping, and gnashing of teeth, among other tasks — has still not grasped the fact that we’ve really done it. We’re a legal family, a done deal. Whatever gnashing and thrashing was necessary to make this happen, I don’t need it anymore. (And now that I’ve taken a breath, I have to admit it’s possible it was not really needed in the first place).

I resist this because it seems silly to feel stunned, confused, even traumatized, by good fortune and dreams coming true. But it’s really been so disorienting.

So it’s the same old story this month. Too good to be true, sinking in slowly, and, as always, the good stuff is going by in a blur. I’m trying to sit and enjoy it a minute before running on to the next thing.