The Gold Trophy
June 9th, 2014 | daily life takes a village
The whole “micro” softball season was focused on the basics: which base to run to if you hit the ball (first), how to hit the ball (swing), how to work on a team (hint: not everybody should run for the ball at the same time). Nobody kept score, and at the end of the game each team did a cheer for the other team. 2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate?
Facing the Truth and Moving On
June 3rd, 2014 | daily life
Maybe parenting is the art of the impossible. How do you balance these crazy opposites?
Happy Mother’s Day
May 11th, 2014 | adoption
Did you ever set out with clear sights and end up doing exactly the wrong thing?
Stranger in Strange Lands
May 5th, 2014 | daily life gay dads
Parenthood, I’m finding, is a trip deep into unknown territory, from playdate to PTA. There’s the thrill of easy membership: they just accept that I’m the dad here — no proof required. And the welcome shock of feeling “post-gay”: my primary identity in most of these places is Shayla or Jaden′s dad. Everything else is a distant second.
Springggg Forward!
April 28th, 2014 | daily life
Like a cartoon character shot out of a catapult, we’re zooming through Spring. An intimate Passover Seder, a giant egg-dying-and-hunting kidstravaganza, and a million things in between. Will the dog’s eye require surgery? Should we give in and get Shayla a DS for her birthday? Is the kids’ mom alive, and would a visit be advisable? Does anybody make toddler pants waist size 5T, length 4T?
Time Zones
April 7th, 2014 | daily life
“Is Austin ahead of us or behind us,” my daughter Shayla asked.
My Kids’ Berkeley
March 13th, 2014 | daily life parenting
When it comes to geography, I’m a cat, not a dog. I’m slow to settle in. When I moved from Texas to the Bay Area, I loved it right away, but it took me a year or longer to start to feel like this was my home. Smaller moves across the bridge to San Francisco in 1993, and back to the East Bay in 2009, produced a similar shock.
The Old Ball Game
March 9th, 2014 | daily life gay dads
I’d already gotten Shayla to the first practice of softball league, had put on my team shirt, met the coach, and offered to help carry up the equipment to the field when it hit me: I was a little league conscientious objector, and have never learned the rules of the game. I’d pray a ball never came my way, and finally pouted enough that my mom agreed to let me drop out. In basketball in middle school the other team would sometimes pass me the ball because they knew I’d just get flustered and pass it right back.
Being the Practical One during a Family Flu
February 17th, 2014 | daily life parenting
You know if you’re the practical one. You sense when it’s garbage night. You have the phone number for the kids’ dentist and doctor. If you and your spouse both have the flu for 15 or more days, you’re more likely to rise from a 103 fever and pick up the kids from school. We practical ones are just wired that way, and we must like it, though we also enjoy the odd whine about how responsible we are.
Staying with Joy
January 28th, 2014 | daily life parenting
Sunday was gorgeous in Northern California, weirdly summery and hot, and we were at a memorial for my friend Frank Sclafani, who died suddenly and unexpectedly in the fall, a young, vibrant 59, gone too soon.
Parenting in an Individualistic Culture
January 20th, 2014 | parenting takes a village
Before kids, I pined so much for kid time. The longing was profound. I’m so happy to have kids now, overjoyed! But I’m surprised how lonely parenting can be. It’s like we’ve stepped through this door into a different world, and I haven’t completely adjusted; I don’t know enough people in my new land.
Saved by a Walk in the Hills
January 5th, 2014 | daily life parenting
Everyone’s ready for school to start again. Each morning for the last week, about 6 am, Jaden gets right in my sleeping face and says hopefully, “school today?” Shayla is also sick of us, ready to see her friends.
What Yelling and Screaming?
December 27th, 2013 | parenting
“I love your blog, but you never have anything like this in it” Grandpa Mel said quietly as Shayla threw herself into her third round of violent weeping and begging for… oh I can’t remember what. To bring a toy with us? To get something from her brother Jaden or deny something to him? Hot chocolate before dinner, a puppy that poos candy? These scenes tend to be repetitive and it’s hard to remember the details.
The Art of Not Doing
December 23rd, 2013 | adoption
It’s only the first day of the kids two week vacation, and maybe it’s time to admit I’m not as skilled as I’d like to be at relaxing.
Christmas and My Hamid Karzai Hat
December 13th, 2013 | holidays and celebrations parenting
I was smug at Thanksgiving when I didn’t get the bug going around. The kids puked onto me liberally, they spiked 103 fevers. I handled it calmly, even pleasantly, and I didn’t get sick. We had a nice Thanksgivikkuh! But if you believe in retribution, karmic payback came today. I got it, possible punishment for arrogance. 101 temperature, swollen lymph nodes. My volunteer duty at my daughter’s Pancake Breakfast tomorrow ruined.
Leaving Disneyland
November 19th, 2013 | daily life parenting
I was afraid my kids might not love Disneyland like I do, but they took to it like pros. Despite a full day drive there and back, long and unpredictable hours, more than usual sugar intake, and near-constant bombardment of stimulation, our five day trip went remarkably well.
Letting Her Be Her Own Girl
November 10th, 2013 | parenting
No one who knows her would call our daughter Shayla a wallflower. “She’s a fighter,” her first grade teacher told us in our parent conference, “and that’s a good thing. Sometimes in this world you have to fight for what you want.”
Confused and Not Sure
October 21st, 2013 | adoption waiting and wanting kids
Is there anything weirder than everything going right? It’s disorienting. I’m a little bit lost.
Unshielding Myself
October 1st, 2013 | daily life gay dads
The “season of marriage and adoption” has been incredible. I was shocked and thrilled when the New York Times ran our wedding announcement, and then the San Francisco Chronicle ran a beautiful story about our relationship, the adoptions and marriage. And with everyone giving us their blessings, I’ve felt so much love coming in from friends and family. It’s been a wonderful plenty.
More and More Married
September 26th, 2013 | adoption gay dads holidays and celebrations
I’ve been shocked by how changed I feel. I’m living with the same guy and kids, in the same place, same work, same dog, same cat. But a wedding, two adoptions, and a bridezilla reception has really changed how I feel in my life.