The Lady Makeup

The Lady Makeup

We were almost ready for trick-or-treating, but I could tell Shayla wanted to ask something. Her hesitation made it seem unlikely I’d be able to say yes. (No, we can’t take the pet rat with us. No, you can’t unstuff the couch cushons and use the fabric for your outfit. No, no, no….)

I was startled by her actual question: “You don’t think, um, I can’t wear makeup tonight can I?”

Makeup on Halloween seemed so easy, but I’m not a fool. I sensed my advantage and pressed it. “Wow, makeup huh? Well (long, long pause)… I guess you’re old enough to wear makeup with your costume.” It might seem dishonorable, but as the guy who always says no, it’s good to get some mileage from a yes.

After an excited shriek Shayla cried “let’s get the lady makeup from the lady box!”

Ah, the “lady box,” better known as the sad scraps of my drag collection, mixed in with more recent Halloween costumes (big baby, monkey pajamas) in a box in the garage.

I was never a pretty drag queen. Whatever outfit I tried I always ended up looking like Bea Arthur as Maude. And really that’s probably being too generous to me. She looks great here:


bea-arthur-too…so 3 steps below Bea Arthur, at the least. Anyway, most of that stuff is gone, but I have a frock or two, some makeup, and some men’s size 13 red pumps that I never managed to part with.

[Late addition: this blurry photo purports to be me in a dress and very big wig. Paul titled it “Daddy’s the one on the left”]

“Did you really wear a dress one Halloween daddy?”

“Oh yes, sweetie. I looked great.”

The blush, eye shadow, and lipstick went quick. Then she found the press-on nails. Again a shriek! What fun.

Then the kids started trying on the huge heels and the wigs. “I can wear these–I can run in these heels!” Shayla shrieked, wobbling around in the giant red shoes.

“No sweetie, sorry. No giant drag queen heels this year.” Gotta hold the line someplace.

But trick-or-treating was a blast, and they brought in a good haul!


2017-05-18T14:44:49+00:00 November 4th, 2015|gay dads, holidays and celebrations|5 Comments


  1. Kalen Hoyle November 4, 2015 at 11:56 am - Reply

    Ha…I’m a make up artist and my girl has her own professional makeup kit. She was allowed quite early to wear any makeup she liked. But not to school, whose dress code won’t even allow nail polish. At three she told someone that “she liked a smokey eye”
    I’ve even rocked her artistry out on the town a time or two. I giggled when I heard her tell another girl that she needed to blend her makeup in more But, now at ten she never wears it anymore. I can’t wait for the teen years that are fast upon us. Rock on. You have a great perspective on the parenting game. we girls love to feel pretty

    • David November 5, 2015 at 1:21 pm - Reply

      Smokey eye at preschool, love it! 🙂

  2. RookieMom Whitney November 4, 2015 at 2:32 pm - Reply

    I thought maybe The Lady Box was a kit handed to gay dads upon adoption of a girl. “Here’s a training bra and a video about periods. Feel free to call us for help when she’s 10!” Funny that Shayla wanted make-up – she seemed uncertain about the whole made-up look at the dance performance in the spring. But kids change!

    Also? I love Bea Arthur.

    • David November 5, 2015 at 1:20 pm - Reply

      This should totally be a required thing! Whole lady box. All the moms we know will be hearing from us when she’s 10! 🙂

  3. Grandpa Mel November 5, 2015 at 12:36 pm - Reply

    David, you really looked terrific! Of course, Shayla and Jaden looked terrific too.

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