Wait Over! We Meet The Kids!

Wait Over! We Meet The Kids!

I’ve been in a happy shock, as well as a whirling-dervish of childproofing and preparation. We’ve met our kids! It’s been a blur, but here are the high points.

The same week we celebrated freedom from bondage at Passover and new life at Easter, we met the nearly-two-year-old boy and nearly-five-year-old girl who have been matched with us. More surreal than any date, we went to a foster house about 30 minutes from here, and were introduced to these kids. How strange is it to not know someone who’ll likely live with us until adulthood, and know us the rest of our lives! I was excited, and terrified. Afraid I wouldn’t like them (let alone love them), or that that something would change our incredible luck. I was worried they’d be indifferent, hostile, or, I don’t know what I thought.

The social worker had an elaborate plan that we were to pretend we were just “visiting the house,” and give each all the children in the house equal attention, not just focus on the kids we’d been matched with. But as soon as we walked through the door and another little girl was talking to us, this social worker said “No sweetie, you’re going with (two other men who are adopting her), these guys are here for (our kids’ names).” So much for subterfuge!

We talked to the kids, and played, and the little girl was worried that it was “just us” — her friend is being adopted by a family with several other kids, and she’s lived in group situations much of her life, so the prospect of new parents showing up with no additional siblings scared her. Thinking fast, our social worker decided the kids should come to our Easter egg coloring party we were giving for the neighbor kids, so she’d see we have a big extended family and friendly, egg-loving neighbors.

Great plan, except it was two days away, our house had not had the final childproofing or inspections, we didn’t have carseats. Then we needed a crib (we didn’t know we’d have that young a child) and about a million other things to feel “ready” for a visit. Thankfully our friends pitched in, and while I can’t remember the brunch, I’m told the shellshocked look in our eyes was quite entertaining. I hope someone has photos ’cause I barely have memories of it.

Now we’ve had maybe 6 whole-day visits. With younger kids it’s important to have frequent contact so they start getting used to us. The plan is 3 visits a week until they’re ready to overnight (probably within a week) and then move in (probably in May?)

We’ve both taken a lot of time off work, made plans for parental leave, and figured out how to use scrunchies for ponytails. Sorta. Purchase a stylish diaper bag (and remember all the things that are supposed to go in it). Locate the nearest Chuck E Cheese. There’s been panic and exhaustion, but I have to say it’s the preparation and unknowns that are stressful. Spending time with the kids is a pleasure.

I realize I’m so different from my younger self. I trust my instincts and know I can handle an emergency. Jay and I are able to take turns playing bad cop, big bunny, or whatever’s called for. We must be coordinating, but I have to say it feels wonderfully spontaneous. It’s like we’re making it all up as we go along, and not doing too bad so far.

There’s so much to learn about the kids. I’ll write more about them later, though their identity is protected as members of California’s foster care system. (Friends, please don’t use their names or post any photos anywhere public including Facebook).

But I can say without reservation they’re sparkly, bright lights, which is amazing considering they’ve not had a great shake so far. We’re very lucky they’ve not had the intense trauma some kids have gone through. But they’ve also not had the life they deserved, and we hope we can start giving it to them right now.

2017-05-18T14:49:27+00:00 April 17th, 2012|adoption, holidays and celebrations, waiting and wanting kids|10 Comments

10 Comments

  1. Donna Devall April 18, 2012 at 4:49 am - Reply

    Dearest David,
    What terrific news! Your wonderful post has me crying in happiness for you. Maybe we’ll get to see your new family when we come out in July.
    Love,
    Donna

    • David April 18, 2012 at 7:32 am - Reply

      Thank you Donna! I really appreciate all the support and excitement from eeryone! Would love to see you when you’re here!

  2. Grandpa Mel April 18, 2012 at 2:55 pm - Reply

    Just finished reading your blog for the second time and wanted to convey my love and excitement. When I was up north I was so moved to be a small part of your new life. Sitting wih my friends last night they all congratulated me on your new adventure. They all wondered if you guys knew what you were getting into. All of us, in our 70’s and 80’s, had raised kids of our own. I assured them that you guys were more than up to it and that more than anything I was feeling such pride for my “new” family.

    • David April 18, 2012 at 3:32 pm - Reply

      Hi Mel, you’re a BIG part of our family, and the kids loved meeting Grandpa Mel. We’re so lucky you were here that weekend!

      As for “knowing what you’re getting into” I doubt any of us would do anything if we really knew that… but fingers crossed we’ll deal with what comes up! Much love!
      David

  3. Kenneth April 20, 2012 at 2:04 pm - Reply

    I got all teary when I read about the girl’s concern. This is such a great and good thing you are doing. Time for young people’s Marimekko shirts!

  4. Mara April 20, 2012 at 2:23 pm - Reply

    Oh David, I am so excited for you and Jay! Teach me to be lookig at Facebook while I’m at work – now I’ll have to explain the happy tears! If there is anything we can do from a distance please, please let me know. We are sending big hugs!

  5. Ira Serkes April 20, 2012 at 2:29 pm - Reply

    A great big huge SEG (need to keep this post SFW) is on my face!

    WOW WOW WOW!!!!!!

    Ira (about to tell Carol)

    Just told Carol

    WOW! from her too!

  6. Marie murphy April 20, 2012 at 6:30 pm - Reply

    So amazing!!!
    Our 4 and 6 year olds would be more than happy to come over to meet them (and help in adding to the group feeling). Please know you can call/email/drop by with any questions, ideas, and all that jazz.
    So happy!!!!! For you 🙂
    Much love!

    • David April 21, 2012 at 6:38 am - Reply

      Thank you! Once we know when we’re here for sure we’d love to get you over! “Visitation” always has this whiff of uncertainty about it–but pretty soon they’ll just be living here so we’ll know our schedule. Yay! 🙂

  7. Barbara Ackermann May 14, 2012 at 6:49 pm - Reply

    David — I am so very happy for you! I can’t wait to hear more about your daughter and son. May you have all the wisdom, energy, love, and patience you’ll ever need. And remember: If you need any emotional support or counsel, I’m here. Love to you and your family, Barbara

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