More and More Married

More and More Married

I’ve been shocked by how changed I feel. I’m living with the same guy and kids, in the same place, same work, same dog, same cat. But a wedding, two adoptions, and a bridezilla reception has really changed how I feel in my life.

d+j=reception_0103The power of ceremonies and traditions shouldn’t surprise me; there’s a reason people do these things again and again, generation after generation. But I was unprepared to feel so much more married after our adoption/wedding celebration.

It was fantastic to be toasted (and roasted) by family and friends. Jay’s dad and my dad stood up before those assembled and called the other one of us a “good catch.” Neighbors celebrated the kids. All day, all week, our family was supported and noticed and loved.

My friend Kenny read a David Whyte poem “Truelove” (chosen by his brilliant partner Paul):

There is a faith in loving fiercely
the one who is rightfully yours,
especially if you have
waited years and especially
if part of you never believed
you could deserve this
loved and beckoning hand
held out to you this way.

d+j=reception_0344Wow, right? I’m not the greatest at being the center of attention, but I tried hard to stay present. You could say I’d been in training for a couple weeks, hoping I could be there and take in all the love, not miss this celebration in a blur.

Probably more than ever in my life, I managed to do it. It was a fantastic party.

And the good news kept coming. The court papers and legal documents with the kids new names—my name, now theirs!—came in the mail. I kept hearing the judge say “these are your children and you are their parents.”

I wasn’t able to write about it. It was just too much great stuff.

It has me thinking about a friend’s wish that we transition from a culture that connects over disaster or stress to one that connects about joy. It’s harder for me to write about this than it was to write about our brand new foster daughter throwing the cat off the balcony. But I don’t want it to be. I want to be more dedicated to feeling the love that’s on offer, getting my charge from the positive energy that’s all around me.

For over a month the world has gone out of its way to give me everything I’ve been working and hoping for. Everything I’ve wanted. And I plan to be grateful. And I plan to be joyful. And I plan to say “I do.”

2017-05-18T14:46:52+00:00 September 26th, 2013|adoption, gay dads, holidays and celebrations|4 Comments


  1. Ira Serkes September 26, 2013 at 9:28 pm - Reply

    “I kept hearing the judge say “these are your children and you are their parents.”

    I just love love love this

    So great to see you both the other day.


  2. Cherie September 27, 2013 at 10:08 am - Reply

    I’m so happy for all four of you! Connecting around joyful events and celebrating with each other is vital. Thanks again for sharing that joy with your readers.

  3. Donna Devall September 30, 2013 at 8:53 am - Reply

    Dear, dear David,
    Your happiness has spilled over into me. Thank you!

  4. » Best of 2013 November 24, 2014 at 9:53 am - Reply

    […] their wedding and adoption was full love, tears, wine, and good food. You can read about it here ( and here ( and here […]

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